Fireflies

I have proved my conjuncture right. Unless you peel away the shields of a person bit by bit, shreds by shreds, you cannot tell what lays beneath nor can you possibly judge how he/she is. Actions are simply fierce reflexes of emotions. It bears no truth and it is not a reason in itself. Reason is etched in the inner being, it is a struggle of forces of right and wrong, gulit and remorse, shame and dignity leading to immense flurry of outbursts.

I have been a victim of some of my own choices and have paid some very hefty and nasty prices to redeem myself. I understand perfectly a person who have gone through the same emotional turmoil, yet find no comfort because the very crux of the problem is themselves. They have willingly lay themselves down in the lion's lair, they have unwittingly set up the very traps for themselves to be captivated and bounded in. I am but the same. To err is human and I do not believe that life is something that we should feel burdened by, instead we should be holding our heads high and claim the consequences of the choices that we have made. How easy would it have been for someone to say they have done their duty in life in the comfort of loving words, surrounded by bliss and good fortune? Yet, the more courageous and respectable few would be to carry out the same ball and chain under a more vicious environment, marred with numerous misunderstandings, pain and malicious gossips.

I do not believe that mistakes cannot be reversed. It can and it will be. The only difference is whether you have the ability to make that change, the first move to make the first run from the predator's hideout. I have done the same. If a relationship is not working anymore and you know that it is not, you cut the cord. You call it quits. You have been cut, all over and you are bleeding profusely but yet you choose to stand on the same spot while you allow the hackings to continue on your body. Would you still make ths same choice if you were actually caught captive and staring in the face of a cold blooded murderer? You see yourself in 2 different situations, but they are one and the same. The former an emotional condition and the latter a physical plight. But then you do hesitate because someone else's emotional well-being is dependent on your decision. If that is the case, cut your losses. You know what the outcome will be, you are a smart person. If you can weigh out the benefits and the possiblity of picking up the shambles again and decide the route which you want to take, take it. Do it with certainty and with pride, with unfaltering determination and honesty. Remember this is the redemption that you are making for your past mistake, so let it not deepen the wrong.

To stand strong sometimes is hard. You can search for the right people to talk to but the right people may not stand by what you do. I am not trying to be a religious person but I always tell my partner that nobody can judge the better of you except God. He sees who you really are and he decides whether you rise or fall. I have a friend who tells me this and he is a wise person " If you are drowning and a lifeguard comes in to your rescue but you continually kick and struggle against his grip, and you are pulling him down into the waters against the raging waves. What does he do? He cuts his losses. He will shake your grip from his and let you sink if the situation is dire and calls for it. They cannot sink with you. This is not a case of morality. It is the fact of life" Now, think about this. Do you want to continue to sink with a person whom you know is unworthy and who doesn't belong in your life? Do you think that for a slightest moment that if you let go of his/her hand, you can somehow breathe fresh air again? Then go ahead and try letting go. Try with all your might and don't look back. The past is done, the hurt has been experienced, the criticisms have been made and endured and now is the time to untie your knot, hold it by a thread and let it drift away.

Everyone has the room to make mistakes. No one is perfect. But not everyone has the courage to make the right choices once some mistakes have been made. It is an irksome cycle. Yet soemtimes, just sometimes, be hard-hearted, just like what I was before. Be independent and know you can survive on your own. Be compassionate to the person that you truely love because if you made a wrong decision and yet you remain in pain, you will not be a complete person for him/her.

"Like fireflies, when the night is dark and dim, shine your light brilliantly and take flight once again...."