I had lunch today with 2 of my female colleagues, both single. We were talking over our meals about whether each of us yearns for home. All of us are emigre here and we came from different parts of Asia. Nancy who is from Mongolia decided she will most likely move permanently back in 2-3 years time before she turns 30 so she could find a guy there and get married. And so we embarked on the topic of fate. It is laughable how sometimes fate can extend its foothold and stage manage our lives. You can never secure anything or anyone and you can never presage the future as well. As frustrating as it seems, sometimes things happen for a reason.

I have read someplace before that if you believe in karma then that would explain why you met some people in the present life and you might feel a strong sense of longing for them but they can never be yours. Such is agonizing but then a fact of life. Sometimes we do things with no sense and when the actions are done, we regret them. A close friend asked me one if I have ever regretted anything that i have done in the past and the answer is a resounding YES! There were times in the past when I just felt that I could have been more matured in handling those situations. Maybe the outcome might turn out different. But then I thought about it more precintly. If I have been given a chance to turn back time, I would have still done the very same things that I first did because I would have no recollection of any regrets, any heartaches, any tears, any frustrations, any anger...virtually nothing....and so I realized that it is fate that I cannot change the past because it is the lessons that will teach me to make sense of all the mistakes that I've done and it is through all the heartaches that I value what I have lost.



But things were so much simpler when we were younger. I miss being 17 again. Miss skipping classes and afraid of being penalized, miss the excitement of everything that is my first, miss just being young and carefree, without being encumbered by the chains and bolts of mountainous responsibilities today. But I know I cannot turn things back and today although there are so many things that I still miss, I have gotten distinguished memories that I wouldn't exchange it for the world. And I believe that they are sweeter if left unfounded, etched in the deepest part of my heart and to be reminisce during the quiet moments of my life...