Partnership in Marriage

I have had so many different kinds of friends in my short 27 years of life and now going on 28. I hear many stories and some of them tell me they are unhappy about who they are because they think they are unworthy of better things. And some of them kept insisting that I am so lucky to have found my perfect match and that because I am born lucky, they can never be the same as I am. In my defense, I want to say that is all such delusional talk and that is why, I want to quote Pastor Joel Osteen, "Don't talk about the way you are, talk about the way you want to be".

In retrospect, Meng and I are completely different beings. He is reserve, level-headed, domesticated and peace-loving. I on the other hand, am vivacious, loud, active and sometimes hot-headed. So how can two very different beings get together? Friendship and tolerance. I always believe that the deepest aspect in a marriage/relationship is friendship and partnership. It never fades and you can feel reliant, safe and strong when you know you have your best friend braving the storms with you, edging you on when you feel like giving up. That far surpasses love. People don't understand how we work. Meng is quiet. So what? I love to invite friends for dinner and meeting new people. He respects that and I introduced him to a wider circle of friends. He is patient and so he gives in to my sometimes whims and fancies. I love the outdoors so I get him to go running with me in the mornings and even organize a Tai Chi class for us to join so we can stay fit and healthy. In short, we try to do everything together and find a common way of life. Although we may not be the most compatible couple around, we try to work our way around to fit each other's lifestyles as best as we can. That is partnership.

In the past, I did not know why my relationships failed. Often times, I give in too much and I tend to lose myself admist it all. Then the love waned and then I try to find myself again. You can fall in love many times but if you are not capable of establishing a strong friendship in your relationship, it will continue to fail. The crux of having a happy life and marriage is to change yourself, not for anything else but to appreciate what the other has to offer. Do things together as partners and enjoy each other's company. There is a lot of people that you can find yourself interested in but there are few you can share genuine connection and profound friendship with. That, is an invaluable thing. Sometimes your partner may not be what you see yourself to become. You don't have to change yourself entirely to suit the other person. In fact, be yourself but respect the change that you need to make to ensure the relationship stays healthy and strong. No sacrifice is big enough to let go of your true companion.

Nothing is too late if you want to stop living in the dyfunctional life you are in now. Every relationship can succeed. Everything broken can be mended if you put your heart into it.